ahh fuck.
im going to have an anxiety attack soon.
ya th whole vomiting nd breaking out in cold sweat episode.
i have not been feeling well th past few days.
i'll be glad to faint anytime soon.
my sis is such a bitch.
making me angry on purpose.
ugh.
i can't cool down.

i hate th whole load of homework lahs.
holidays ain't holidays man.
i hate teachers who demand work.
although i have to blame myself for procrastinating.
but still, stress arhs.
i'm gonna have a nervous breakdown soon luhhs.
i need a psychiatrist i need anti depressants.

oh well fuck it. i feel like going around th house screaming.
oh no thanks to th oh so horrible storm outside.
GAHHH.
baby's advice was helpful. but im so pissed now nd his asleep nd i dont wanna wake him.
crap. i cant handle my mental state now.
so mood swing can.
i have too many things on my mind le lahs.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!~
why cant i catch my breathe?
i need a break.

booya.
im back with a sex change.
hahaha.
i sound super man now.
:D
kidding i pure women can.
upon seeing this i foresee someone vomiting. xD

th trip was fun.
shall blog about it when i can.
for now....
To Do List :
1. Finish Homework. Equivalent of 5 worksheet? xD
2. Finish Learning Journey thingy.
3. Watch anime!~
4. Go shopping before GSS ends.
5. Get Well.
nd th list goes on nd on nd on nd on...

im bored. toodles.

i'm going off to thailand tmr. till 20th 1am. xD
i gotta sleep i have to reach th airport at 5am. *grumbles*
gonna meet rach tmr in thai. xD wahahhaha. toodles.

when i want to cry, i can't.
when i don't want to cry, i cry.

this is so fucked up.
i don't feel like going to school tmr.
i don't know whether to mourn or not?
or should i move on.
i don't even think i deserve to be happy.
crap.

i miss him.
i hate him for going away.
i hate myself for not understanding him better.
i hate myself for not spending more time with him.
i basically hate myself.

now when i want to study i keep crying.
crap.
i need to get over this.
but i just can't.
i just lost a person i treated like a grandfather.
he was th grandfather i never had.
i never had a maternal grandfather nd my parental granddad died when i was young.
i'm scared. i'm scared tt i will keep losing people in my life.
i hate it when people die when they are not suppose to.
he was enjoying life then.
it's not fair.
life isn't god damn fair.
i'm just glad that he went quickly.
i hate for him to feel pain.

worse still i won't get to attend his funeral.
how i wish i could conjure up airplane tickets with a snap of my fingers.
god. this is so unfair. bad timing too.
i have the geography challenge thingy on sat nd i'm leaving for phuket in a week.
i have to grow up again i guess.
grow up and get over it.
get god damn over it.


p.s i won't be entertaining tags concerning this.
i just needed to rant.
don't ask me any questions.
i'm sorry if i do things slowly.
i'll try to get back to you asap.


baby, sorry.
i just can't do it.
i can't bring myself to scream at you.
just don't get me annoyed.
you can't blame me for bottling things up.
i'm just like this.
i know you don't like this.
i'm sorry.
just give me some time.
to get over it.

my head is aching. GOD!

he's gone,
just like that.

i don't know whether to cry or not.

i just miss him.

shucks.