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"Sarcasm is the body's natural reaction to stupidity"

Live by faith, fight with love, grow with grace.

Chris. 22. Chinese-Thai. AB+
Lives in Singapore/ Made in Bangkok/ Heart in Walt Disney World °o°
Typical Aries, is super analytical and talks too much.

I may be a little crazy, a little so weird and maybe even extra-ordinary. But i'm glad to have people who love me.

“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."

Blogs: Cherylene ElaineTan HuanQing♥ JasmineChua♥ JiaQi Nigel♥ ValeryHeng

Tumblrs: AngelaWong Arisa HidayahGoh Jazlyn/Ai Tien♥

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posted: 2:43 AM
Tuesday, April 08, 2014
I've always told myself not to get into a lesbian relationship for fear of the stereotype, that it would turn out to be dramatic. 

Boy was I right... But, this girl, the way she makes my heart soar and fall in the same moment. Feelings I've never felt before or maybe its been so long I've forgotten how it feels, to be in love, or at least like. The things she has done, really makes me feel special, feel pampered. The way she makes me smile at my phone like a fool in love, the way my face cramps from smiling so much. I really like it. I really like her. I don't mind looking like a fool. Hearing someone ask why I am giggling at my phone affirms how much I like her. The way she bites me, the way she hugs me and even smells me. The little affectionate things she does affects me in a whole new way. It's been a long time since I wanted to shout to the world "She is the one that I want." And how much I wanted her to be mine. That feeling, that urge to have her and to hold her. It is something that has not hit me since E. I have been on dates, talked to other girls before. But I have not felt this way about any other girl at all. Someone who makes me want to forsake my own rule of not getting into a lesbian relationship. Her smile and her laughter, makes me want to hold her face and kiss her. To show her that its okay to be happy. Her fears, oh her silly little fears, it makes me want to protect her even more. The awkward way she holds my hand, I sometimes wish I had bigger hands so I can hold her hands and make her feel secure. I don't mind the way she teases me to get a laugh or even how she outs me to my sister/says outrageous things to entice a reaction from me. As long as she is happy. That is all I want her to be right now is happy. 

I've never wanted a relationship after E. I've told myself to concentrate on my career and taking care of my family. I am only afraid I would not be able to give it my best, my time and my effort to the one that I love. That's why I've learnt to shut myself away. But, C had just choose to stumble in my life.

HY said that these restrictions are my own. And that it is up to me to lift them. 
YS said that it isn't that I didn't have time for a relationship. But it's the fact that I would need to learn how to make time for it. 

I said to her, I believe one day, I will manage to pick up all the glass bits. But I've come to realise that some pieces are so small that you can't pick them up. So you would have lost them eventually. Like how I've lost a part of her. 

Sometimes it feels like it takes the life out of me, to hold onto someone who constantly pushes you away. I've been trying so hard, time and time again. I've throw my ego out of the window to break down her walls. It feels like desperation the way I yearn for her, the way I want her, need her in my life. 

Now, the question of the matter is, does she feel the same way too? 

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No One
posted: 3:20 AM
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
I caught myself in a dilemma, afraid of judgement I have no one to talk to.
Then again its hard for me to talk to someone about it because my story is way too long.
Found myself asking again.

Is the concept of 'bestfriends' really overrated?

p.s. maybe this is a small cry for help, else I'll let time save myself from the pain.
Terrible (Twenty)Twos?
posted: 5:40 PM
Friday, June 14, 2013
There is always a mention of the terrible twos when a kid reaches the age of 2 and is the ultimate brat. But why hasn't no one mention the terrible 22s? 

I have come to a point of my life where I am always frustrated with myself. I always know I can do better. Is this me peaking? Is this a quarter life crisis? Oh god, must be #firstworldproblems. I really need to commit to myself and make promises to myself to always be better. 

Haven't blogged in a long(ass)time. I guess it is pretty narcissistic to be a blogger? Got an 18/40 in class for narcissism based on a test by APA. L O L. Which is about the narcissistic level of a celebrity. Jokes. I guess I could have scored higher if I took it a couple of years ago. Isn't it in someone to love yourself? Or maybe I just have superiority complex. You wouldn't care anyway. 

I have had a revelation about my life. I thought that getting together with E was a good thing that I mellowed and changed for the better. However, I met with some old friends and same old me came back. I guess it is who you hang out with makes who you are?
“Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.”
― Frank Ocean

True or not? I have no idea, I don't really abide by such ideologies anyway. Sounds really... narcissistic? Hah.

In the coming months, I need to work, study, work out. God willing, I can pull through. It is scary to think that in less than a year I will be out in the workforce earning a paycheque to feed a family 'of 10'. It really is too scary to think of the responsibilities that will fall on my shoulders. Now, I need to priortise myself. I have only 11 months left to care for myself. Come May 2014, I need to care for others, I probably wouldn't have anytime to myself. Hopefully I adapt fast as usual. All hopes and dreams for probably the next decade of my life, that is not centred around me. 

I leave you with a recent photo of myself, on the bangs trend just cos Mom thought I should cut bangs. To a better version of myself,
xoxo C. 

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Worst things in life come free to us.
posted: 6:11 PM
Thursday, March 14, 2013

Just because some of us has lost someone to addiction.
And I thought he loved me...
posted: 4:54 AM
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Now listening: Baby Steps - TaeTiSeo

I feelfelt so used... I had my hopes raised and crushed without a short amount of time. But it wasn't till months later I realised I was used like a ragdoll. Well, then again, I have to realise it isn't the first time a guy did this to me. I fall too easily. I put on the rose tinted glasses of love way too fast.

Ever heard the Durian analogy?
 'Hard and prickly on the outside, softy on the inside' 
I guess that would describe me to a T. I'm a real softie. And when ever I feel grateful to someone, I tend to overcompensate and give back more than what the favor was. I guess I always felt the need to do good. But now... I know. I need to grow up. Need to know the difference between a infatuation and love. Like Mom always says, 'Never love 100%, only love 50%' Because you need to love YOURSELF too. I guess I'm pretty guarded now but I'm still 100% honest. Not always saying what I want to say all time. A little more quiet. Haha, Christina being quiet???? Yup. The lesser you say, the lesser the chances you'll say something wrong. I guess I've come really far in the past 10 years, I'll admit, I used to be pretty obnoxious. I've really toned down now. Less obnoxious maybe. :p

Uni has been stressful. I feel really handicapped in my Communication classes (not being from a communications background in poly), hopefully I can catch up soon. Imagine having to submit half of a research paper within the month you start school.

Ugh, it frustrates me so bad, especially when my tutor is so uncooperative. He doesn't even give suggestions at all. Yeah, I get it, its Uni but give me a chance will ya? And he has been rejecting most of my ideas, saying its filmsy, wrong angle yada yada. But he just won't give me the help I need. I spend most of his classes being upset as he is pretty unprofessional during teaching mentioning like 'I don't know what's this/This is just the Australia side thing/I'll get back to you I need to clarify with him' If that isn't unprepared for class than I think the problem is with me. And the fact that he keeps mentioning and comparing my institute vs other institutes that he teaching at, irks me so much! He'll be like, 'I don't have time after class I have another class at XXX/ Your school is not paying me extra you know? Not like XXX' I'm like... DAFUQ? Wah, if all part-time tutors are like this I'm so dead.

But fortunately, I really like the Tourism tutor, despite the fact that his teaching ways are not as interactive. I'm just awed by the experience he has and really honoured to be taught by him. Plus point! I do retain the knowledge in his classes, I guess just cause I really respect him. Gonna have to travel overseas in the next month for the class to complete one of the assignments, really looking forward to it. Now just to decide where to....

To infinity, and beyond...

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posted: 9:13 AM
Monday, July 02, 2012
Sometimes when you're at the point of your life with each major decision you make, either makes or break your life.
Well, where does that put me? Someone who is afraid of making the decision or someone not ready to face the facts?
I got rejected from my dream school, which kind of puts my life on hold. I'm not friendly with numbers which makes working out study loans for any of my other options a huge headache.

I have absolutely no idea what to do with my life. Everyday, I sleep late, wake late. End up spending my waking hours on tumblr or watching various shows. I just had about lost my aim in life. All I wanted was a shot at studying, so I'll study my best and graduate with a degree, get a good job and get hitched.

God willing, I want to study honors in university and a MBA, I KNOW I can do it. For some reason, I really think I can do it. But circumstances, circumstances. Sometimes I just wish money could just fall from the sky. Or as my dad puts it, 'I'll win the TOTO so that you can study where ever you want.'

It's funny. Never thought I would be in this place.  Always thought that life would be smooth. But THIS IS part and parcel of life. And growing up does suck. So fingers crossed. Let's hope the next decision I make will be a good one!

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posted: 4:04 PM
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. - Reinhold Niebuhr
Phew. Spent like 4 hours reworking my blogskin cos I was sick of it. Archives are hidden, the past should just remain in the past. But I left it on the site for whoever finds it for their entertainment. There's a lot of things that I've done in the past year alone that I'm not truly proud of. But the memories are etched into my skull. Let the lucky people who find it know the real(old)me I guess. :)
Hopefully it encourages me to blog more. But Ha Dee Ha Ha. 
Doubt so. Nothing has been going on in my life. NADAH. Besides me being promoted from my job at MBS to freeloader at home :D 

Okay, nothing to be glad about. Hopefully, I can settle my university options soon. And then I can find a suitable part time job. Fingers crossed!

x. C


Periodic update is Periodic
posted: 12:58 PM

Gained weight... SIGH. 

 Spent 2 nights at MBS during Valentine's with some Fabulous people. I've gotten so many gifts in one Valentine's that is more than all the Valentines that I ever had in my entire life. lol...

Brought Mom to shop everytime I got my paycheck...

These smelt REALLY GOOD. The day he 'officially' asked me to be his girlfriend after 4 months of dating ...

 Left my job at MBS... 
Definitely won't forget the people there.

As for April, my birthday was such a non-event. Didn't really have the mood to organise a party. So just had dinner and went for Ladies Night @ Butter. Got to thank Gerald & Shu for making it so special :) & my mystery man as well. 

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